Ndebele Bride, South Africa.
[Image]. Retrieved from http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/countries/african-marriage-rituals/#/ndebele-painted-gateway_11330_600x450.jpg.
South Africa by Carol Beckwith and Angela Fisher. “At the threshold of the freshly painted
gateway of a relative’s courtyard, Ndebele bride Zanelle shields herself with
an umbrella, a Western accessory adopted by Ndebele women for modesty”.
Modern Day Dating, Courtship, and Wedding Practices
Another aspect of culture that shapes one’s identity, not only in the United States and other countries as well, is the modern day courtship and wedding practices, which are both similar and different. South African practices contrast and have similarities with mainstream American ones. These differences might have the potential to make someone uncomfortable because they represent a certain worldview and are often tied to religious beliefs, yet it is important for effective cross cultural communication that one be willing to understand differences to learn and communicate. Cultural differences are not automatically either right or wrong, but represent the possibility of there being a truth in all sides and understand the ways in which “multiple realities constitute the whole of the cultural quandary” and competent cross cultural communication rests on this understanding (Martin & Nakayama, 2013, p. 93).
Dating and courtship widely varies among South African groups, just like it does in the United States. For example, some South Africans, depending on their religious and cultural beliefs, use traditional Western dating practices such as online dating services, and according to a personal interview with David Ramushu (2014), it is normal to go on dates to the movies or to bring flowers in Afrikaners’ culture as well as various other ethnic and racial groups, depending on the particular family’s beliefs about dating. Many young South Africans attend the prom, just like in the United States, and the common dating age for teens is dependent on the beliefs of the particular family in question.
Dating and courtship widely varies among South African groups, just like it does in the United States. For example, some South Africans, depending on their religious and cultural beliefs, use traditional Western dating practices such as online dating services, and according to a personal interview with David Ramushu (2014), it is normal to go on dates to the movies or to bring flowers in Afrikaners’ culture as well as various other ethnic and racial groups, depending on the particular family’s beliefs about dating. Many young South Africans attend the prom, just like in the United States, and the common dating age for teens is dependent on the beliefs of the particular family in question.
Some Afrikaners are very traditional when proposing, just like in the United States, requesting permission from the girl's parents (especially her father) to become engaged. An interesting aspect of a traditional Afrikaner wedding is similar to many traditional church weddings in the U.S. in which the priest asks if there are any objections let them speak now. However, there is one major difference in asking for any objections. Afrikaners’ names are read three consecutive Sundays before the wedding, and if no objections are raised, (for example because one was already married) the marriage would be allowed and the ceremony held in a church (“Countries and Their Cultures”, 2014).
Both religion and culture seem to influence both dating and marriage practices among various groups in Africa. However, according to Pamela Ramushu (2014), one cultural practice among some Black South Africans is the “Lobolo” (a dowry given to the bride's parents as a token of thanks for bringing their daughter into the world). The dowry involves giving a cow known as "inkomo kamama" (the mother's cow) and a monetary gift of $5,000.00 to $10, 000.00. While some still give the cow and a monetary gift, some prefer to have an entirely monetary gift instead. This practice is sometimes an adherent towards marriage for those who can't afford to pay the" Lobolo" (Ramushu, 2014).
Both religion and culture seem to influence both dating and marriage practices among various groups in Africa. However, according to Pamela Ramushu (2014), one cultural practice among some Black South Africans is the “Lobolo” (a dowry given to the bride's parents as a token of thanks for bringing their daughter into the world). The dowry involves giving a cow known as "inkomo kamama" (the mother's cow) and a monetary gift of $5,000.00 to $10, 000.00. While some still give the cow and a monetary gift, some prefer to have an entirely monetary gift instead. This practice is sometimes an adherent towards marriage for those who can't afford to pay the" Lobolo" (Ramushu, 2014).
However, because of modernization and the change in the lifestyles of South Africans Lobolo is now usually paid in money. It is also very typical to have two ceremonies-a traditional African wedding followed by a “white wedding” which is a typical Christian ceremony on another day (Ramushu, 2014). Therefore, courtship and wedding practices are directly dependent on the particular culture with the "Lobolo" being a common tradition that is upheld by some Black African populations in South Africa.
Of course many differences in dating, courtship, and marriage can also be found between various ethnic groups in South Africa, such as the Zulu culture, which practices and approaches courtship in traditional Zulu ways. For example, the (“umkhosi womhlanga” or “The Reed Dance”) virginity testing ceremony was reintroduced by King Goodwill Zwelethini in 1991 “for young Zulu maidens, which takes place annually in September at KwaNongoma” (“Zulu Courting Practices”, 2014). The ceremony has a huge cultural significance and purpose to “encourage young Zulu girls to delay sexual activity until marriage, and thus limiting the possibility of HIV transmission” (“Umhlanga”, 2014). Zulu courtship begins when a woman confesses her love for a man (known as ukuqoma) she will stop practicing the Reed Dance ritual and arrangements then lead towards marriage, which involves the woman giving the male something personal (worn by the female) known as ("ucu"). The man will then wear and display it for everyone to see. These practices have social meaning and acts to prevent the woman from being involved with multiple partners and the willingness of the couple to commit to one other, and as a way to signify who the father might be if she were to fall pregnant (“Zulu Courting Practices”, 2014).
Of course many differences in dating, courtship, and marriage can also be found between various ethnic groups in South Africa, such as the Zulu culture, which practices and approaches courtship in traditional Zulu ways. For example, the (“umkhosi womhlanga” or “The Reed Dance”) virginity testing ceremony was reintroduced by King Goodwill Zwelethini in 1991 “for young Zulu maidens, which takes place annually in September at KwaNongoma” (“Zulu Courting Practices”, 2014). The ceremony has a huge cultural significance and purpose to “encourage young Zulu girls to delay sexual activity until marriage, and thus limiting the possibility of HIV transmission” (“Umhlanga”, 2014). Zulu courtship begins when a woman confesses her love for a man (known as ukuqoma) she will stop practicing the Reed Dance ritual and arrangements then lead towards marriage, which involves the woman giving the male something personal (worn by the female) known as ("ucu"). The man will then wear and display it for everyone to see. These practices have social meaning and acts to prevent the woman from being involved with multiple partners and the willingness of the couple to commit to one other, and as a way to signify who the father might be if she were to fall pregnant (“Zulu Courting Practices”, 2014).
Zulu Festival of Virginity in South Africa. [Video]. Retrieved from YouTube. from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy1-LHss5Wg. South Africa.